I recently worked on the musical Oklahoma. After a day or two I started paying attention to the show, rather than my job (running the sound). I noticed something rather particular about this little classic. IT’S ABOUT SEX! Every character in this show is trying to fuck someone else. Sometimes it’s subtle subtext of a song, an odd throwaway line, or downright obvious in your face. Here’s what I’m talking about…

The “A” story is about a girl who has to decide which guy she wants to go to the box social with. The “B” story is about a girl who has to decide which guy she wants to marry.

In the “A” story, Laurey likes suave Curly, but is being pursued by creepy Jud. The Box social is an auction for a picnic basket, which comes with a date from the girl who packed it. This is just prostitution. Throughout the first act, Laurey is a tease. Jud, who is the hired hand on Laurey’s farm, lives in the smokehouse. There are 4 different references, as well as a lengthy conversation about the pictures of naked women he has tacked to his wall. So Jud sits alone in his room jerking off. Jud also has a monolog where he tells how he stalks Laurey, and then tries to rape her. Curley, the hero, is constantly avoiding Laurey’s flirting, obviously in denial about his own homosexuality.

There is an odd line in “Oh what a beautiful morning” where he mentions a cow winking at him. Then there’s Aunt Eller, the matriarch of the little rural community. She has her own little way of flirting with the men, and in one scene when all the guys are looking at a “scandalous” peep show device called “the little wonder”, Aunt Eller reveals her approval, if not interest in pornography. It’s clear that Aunt Eller owns a bondage outfit, and has a secret sex slave operation in the barn.

As for the “B” story, it’s about Ado Annie and her two potential beaus’. Ali Ahkim, a Persian traveling salesman very clearly states that he wants to take Ado Annie to a hotel and fuck her. Will, Ado’s cowboy suitor, has just returned from Kansas City. He has song’s singing of burlesque shows, and sowing his wild oats. Basically, this small town cowboy, went to the big city, fucked some whores and came back to small town nowhere with the clap. Will has also brought back $50 (a lot for the time) to buy Ado Annie’s hand in marriage from her goat fucking father Mr. Carnes. OK, I made up the goat fucking, but really, what kind of asshole sells his daughter. To a cowboy none the less. That’s almost as bad as letting your daughter marry a marine! But miss Ado Annie, she’s the worst. She has a song called “I cain’t say no” where she confesses openly to not being able to turn down the sexual advances of every man in town.

Finally, a few side notes about the show itself. The dialog is campy and the songs feature such classics as “Oh what a beautiful Morning”, “Oklahoma”, uh…”Somewhere over the rainbow” and umm…uh…”Cabaret”. And lastly, about the title. “Oklahoma”. Somewhere, buried in the bottom of the second act, nearly 2 hours into cowboy sex hell, there is a throwaway line of “soon you’ll be living in a new state!” proclaims Cowboy Rapist #4. Then the whole cast breaks into the show’s title song. WHAT THE FUCK!?! The show is called Oklahoma, and the entire thing has nothing at all to do with Oklahoma except that one day this unincorporated territory of sex and perversion with someday, SOMEDAY be a state.

UHG! This show made me long for “You’re a good man, Charlie Brown”, which, if you seen it, is like taking a sharp blow to the anus. Which is one of the songs in Oklahoma incidentally.