Fear is a big motivating factor in my life. I’m man enough to admit that. I was afraid to admit to my parents that I was getting F’s in 8th grade. I was afraid to ask a girl I liked to the prom. I was afraid to voice my opinion when I knew I was in the minority. There have been countless times when I’ve been afraid to stand up for myself, for one reason or another.

But most shamefully, I have been afraid of artistic expression, and I didn’t know why, until now. There are many reasons why someone, like myself and like you, dear reader, would shy away from honestly expressing yourself through art. Chief among these reasons is Fear of Rejection.

Fear of Rejection usually takes the form of “What if she says ‘NO’”? In cases like that, all I can say is “No” means “No”. I’m referring to a more subtle rejection. Most of us have skin thick enough to take it when some jerk tells us to bug off. But what if you threw a party, say a gallery opening or a premiere at an art house theater, and nobody came? That would hurt. But rest assured, if you invite your parents they’ll probably come. You’ll probably be stuck for an explanation when they ask why there’s so much sex, violence, crude language or drug use in your film, and then there’s the awkward moment when you introduce them to the lead actress who was killed with a weedwacker while wearing nothing but a grimace. So it’s either invite the folks and guarantee an audience, or don’t invite them (and hope they never hear about it and realize they weren’t invited) and trust you’ll have more then two people show up.

Fear of Criticism is another big one. It’s not one I have a problem with, but I understand why people fear the harsh opinions of others. You have to realize the difference between a constructive critic, who is on your side and only wants to help you make your project better by pointing out some flaws that he or she has noticed and hopefully points these out before you’ve gone and made thousands of copies for distribution; and a deconstructive critic who only wants to tear you down and feast on your agony like a rabid wolf sucking on marrow of your tortured bones. Keep the constructive critics close to you, and let them help you, unless of course, they’re stüpid* in which case disregard their comments and rethink your relationship with them. As for deconstructive critics, dispose of them at your leisure. That only leaves professional critics. I understand that alcoholism is rampant amongst professional critics, so I recommend serving copious amounts of hard liquor before, during and after your premiere. (I’ll do a later article on manipulating professional critics at a later date.)

Imagine yourself at home after completing your first big budget film. This thing has a huge release planned and the press has just been showed the final cut for the first time. You’re watching Leonard Maltin, arguably the softest movie critic in the world, and he begins to review your film.

“…a snappy action film with incredible special effects and lively musical numbers. I loved this film for it’s vivacious dialogue and cheerful characters. I recommend this movie to everyone.” You sit there in awe, your jaw in your lap. Yes, he said he loved your film, but what he described was not what you made. You wrote and directed a movie about a bartender in a karaoke bar who falls in love with a heroine addicted lesbian who runs afoul of her dealers and the two of them run for their lives to Canada with only one gunfight on the way.

Your movie has been misinterpreted, and now millions of Entertainment Tonight viewers are going to flock to their theaters expecting to see some sort of Disney movie.

This is Fear of Misunderstanding, taken to the extreme. It doesn’t happen like this, trust me. Even Leonard has enough active brain cells to make an accurate assessment of your film. Take confidence that anyone who does misunderstand your movie is stüpid, and probably stüpid enough to pay to see it again.

Here’s one I have in spades: the fear of being called an “Artist”. It’s not that I don’t view my work as having artistic qualities, it’s the possibility of being grouped with other “Artists”. The term carries with it bad connotation for me. Artists live in dingy hovels, subsisting off of Dinty Moore Beef Stew and coffee strained through an old sock, pouring their pent up madness into a round the clock frenzy that produces some trash-art critics laud over. Or they are phonies, conning a gullible art crowd into believing they are geniuses and their expression involving cat urine and religious icons is beyond the understanding of mere mortals. I do not want to be associated with this kind of insanity. I truly do want to create something unique, thought provoking, stylish, cutting edge, and expressive, but not at the cost of someday being included in a book on early twenty-first century art that would put my chapter in between a woman who smears herself in chocolate while fornicating with fruit and a man who sculpts with animal excrement. I suppose as long as I keep the weird sex and dung to a minimum there’s little chance of that…

Which leads me to a much more real fear. It is said that every journey starts with just one step, and that first step is the hardest one to take. I have a couple of unfinished projects sitting in a box. Video tapes with some very promising footage on them, and I haven’t even dusted them off in months. What if I’m not good enough to make this footage into a finished product that’s as good as it can be? What if I’m editing forever? Do I really know what I’m doing? Do I have what it takes? I really don’t know what kind of fear this is, and the only name I can put on it is Doubt. Eventually I’m going to have to cast it aside and make it happen, but I don’t know when that will be. Self Doubt is a powerful thing, and I’m going to have to find confidence inside me somewhere.

I’m going to finish with a very similar fear to Doubt: Fear of Success. “What if I actually pull this off?” you ask yourself. “What if I have to repeat my success?” is even more paralyzing, as M. Night Shyamalan is finding out right now. This is a fear we should all have, because it’s a healthy fear. It’s the same kind of fear that breeds excitement and caution. A kind of adrenalin rush mixed with vigilance. Once you experience it you become hooked, and you want more and more. Success is addictive, and it is contagious. Everyone who helps in your project get the rush too, and the energy builds. Then there is the downside, the blindness that can be caused by all this excitement, and in this state you can make mistakes. Like, for instance, that girl I liked that I wanted to ask to the prom? Well, I asked her, and she accepted. That was a serious rush! I never expected her to make up with her boyfriend and recant her acceptance. Live and learn my friends.

Live and learn.

*Stüpid: Beyond stupid. Über stupid. Not to be confused with retarded, where the subject can’t help being stupid. You’re stüpid when you should know better. A complete lack of basic observational skills and common sense.