Oy it this is a new post I made from my iPhone. Isn’t it meaty? Shit giddn if this ain’t the wave of the future.

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Who knew? My film Audie & The Wolf is getting into film festivals left and right. Pretty goddamn fucky cool if you ask me.

Cinequest Film Festival - San Jose - Feb 28 and Mar 3
SENE Film Film Festival - Rhode Island - April 4
Buffalo-Niagara Film Festival - New York - Tues May 5
Another Hole in The Head Film Festival - San Francisco (Date TBA)
Minneapolis-St. Paul International Film Festival - Sat Apr 25

More details as they come in over at the Audie & The Wolf official site:
http://audieandthewolf.com

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Audie’s been selected to play the 19th Annual Cinequest Film Festival as part of the New Visions Competition, where it will be eligible for the New Visions Award and the Audience Award. Our screening dates are:

SAT, 2/28 - MIDNIGHT (Camera 12 Cinemas)
TUES, 3/3 - 9:30PM (San Jose Rep Theatre)

See you in San Jose!

B.

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My Dearest Friendos,

In the interest of taking a break from bludgeoning you with bulletins about the AUDIE AND THE WOLF PREMIERE, but not really, I offer you the top ten reasons why you should come see the World Premiere of Audie & The Wolf on Thursday August 14 (details at http://audieandthewolf.com)

TOP 10 REASONS TO ATTEND THE AUDIE & THE WOLF WORLD PREMIERE

10. The Downtown Film Festival - Los Angeles is making its debut. This is the first festival ever for the DFFLA. You get to be a part of Los Angeles history and help make it happen. Also, you can put this on your resume. But not really.

09. The party afterwards is sure to be a saucy, delightfully shallow endeavour. Come get loaded and pretend you’re not one of the shallow ones.

08. Boost your street cred and take the subway to the theater. Super close! Walk 2 blocks and you’re there. Perfect for all you health conscious fucktards who think exercise is good for you.

07. Free alcoholic drinks in the theater lobby before the show, courtesy of the festival sponsors and your liver.

06. This is a one-time event. A film only premieres once. You’ll be able to say “I was there.” Or “I was there. And it sucked. Holy fuckballs, did it suck.”

05. The film will be screened in High definition HDCAM projection with 5.1 surround sound. So it’ll look like a real movie. You know - the kind of movie you’ll fork over $14 for at the Arclight this Friday night starring Jack Black which will hit dvd and pay-per-view in 12 minutes and no one will remember in 13.

04. You can meet the stars of the movie, live in person, and harrass them for autographs, real estate, or financial advice.

03. It’s playing at a beautiful old-fashioned MOVIE PALACE. http://losangelestheatre.com to see what I’m talking about. This place was once saved from ruin during the Depression by a donation from none other than Mr. Charles Chaplin himself. (He’s the funny movie guy who looked like Hitler.)

02. The only thing on TV you’re missing that night is the Olympicsand Big Brother, and Ugly Betty. And Assmasters 12, if you have adult pay-per-view.

01. 100% of all ticket proceeds go to the Retarded Childrens’ Poker Fund. Yes! It’s true! Nothing beats a helmeted Royal Flush.

And yes, these will probably be repeated via another email blast. Get on the list at http://audieandthewolf.com

Shamelessly,

B. Scott O’Malley

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Now playing: Royo and The Greek. A weekly web series documenting a conversation between Christo Dimassis and Roger M. Mayer.

Even if you’re offended, you can still buy the t-shirt.
All proceeds go to Royo and The Greek’s drinking fund.

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Dear Chuckles,

I just added Bleak Future and Minimum Wage to the site. Click on Watch A101 Feature Films below. Minimum Wage is especially exciting because it’s a version nobody’s seen. The director’s cut, made by yours truly, from the VHS dailies, after the producers cut their version and left it on the shelf to rot. It’s still not a great movie, but it’s a lot better than it was. Watch it full screen and tell me what you think.

http://anarchy101.com/feature-films/

Maybe the old features will make it up there soon too. But don’t hold your breath.

Also, keep checking iTunes. The AnARcHy 101 podcast will be up soon, featuring all the old shorts. And maybe some new ones if I ever get a free minute.

B.

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Audie and The Wolf, the feature I wrote, directed, edited, and produced with Brooklyn Reptyle Films, and have been working on all year, is almost done with post-production. Smart Post Sound in Burbank is handling the entire sound package, from sound design to ADR to foley to mix. Composer Karl Preusser had a bit of a setback when his mixing engineer was hospitalized briefly, but the engineer has recovered and is finishing up the mixes this week. Devon Read continues to crank out CG and compositing shots - the details of which I’ll keep under wraps for now - and we’re close to locking down a colorist for the final colour correction the film’s gonna need. Just a few more weeks and Audie and The Wolf is flatass finished, fucko.

click to play the Audie trailer

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Best Actor
Chuck D., The Second to The Last King of Scotland

Best Impersonation of The Queen of England
Peter O’Toole, Venus

Best Gun Movie
Volver

Best Drive-In Movie
An Inconvenient Truth

Best Sequel
United 93

Best Pharmacists
Anna Nicole Smith

Best Bad German Movie
The Good German

Best Picture Based on Fractions
Half Nelson

Best Why
Because I Said So

Best Fishy Beard
Kevin Smith, Catch and Release

Best Picture, PMS
Blood and Chocolate

Best Self-Reflective or Existential Conversation Scenes in Italian Restaurant
Rocky Balboa

Best Film Based on a Cleaning Product
tie: Eragon and Flushed Away

The Best Movie A Bunch of Dead Jocks Could Inspire
We Are Marshall

Don’t Know How They Did It, But They Made Motown Completely Gay Award
Dreamgirls

Best Zombie Movie
A Prairie Home Companion

Best Thinly-Veiled Rehash of Blackboard Jungle, Stand and Deliver, and Dangerous Minds
Happy Feet

Best Voicemail I’ve Ever Received
Snakes on a Plane

Best Drink Coaster
Lady In The Water DVD

Best Performance by a Performer Getting His or Her Balls Tortured
Daniel Craig, Casino Royale

Best Banana Boobies
Apocalypto

Why Americans Still Hate The French Award
Parfum - Le Histoire d’un Meurtrier

Best Donkey Fucking
Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties

Best Picture Featuring a Coppola Buried in Rubble
Marie Antoinette

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WASHINGTON - Actress Angelina Jolie sent ripples of concern through Washington DC and the hallowed halls of entertainment this afternoon, when she announced she was adopting 51-year-old former FEMA Director Michael Brown.

Jolie, whose previous adoptions include Ethiopian orphan toddler Zahara Marley, 3-year-old Honduran refugee Maria Consuelo, and Dallas Cowboys Wide Receiver Keyshawn Johnson, was beaming with joy outside Mr. Brown’s home outside of Baltimore this morning, as she awaited the delivery of her new son, adoptee Michael Brown.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” said Brown to reporters, looking stunned at the assembly of press gathered on his lawn. Jolie emerged from her 1999 Volkswagen Jetta and dashed across the lawn, throwing her arms around the embattled Former FEMA Director, who’s married and has two children of his own.

“I’m your new mama,” said Jolie tenderly. Brown looked genuinely confused (see stock photo) and neither he nor Jolie offered much in the way of explanation.

Before they fled, Jolie and her new son posed briefly for photographs, kissing deeply and holding hands.

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BEVERLY HILLS — Today actor turned celebrity Ashton Kutcher reportedly presented honey Demi Moore with a necklace made entirely of Kutcher’s toenails, clipped and collected over the course of three years.

“There’s a time for love, and that time is now,” said Kutcher to the gathered press, fleeing the Planet Hollywood BH. “Why should I withhold these remnants of me from her any longer?”

Moore was flattered, offering in return a suit made entirely of her own skin peelings, gingerly and lovingly collected from sunburns ranging back to 1940.

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