I recently worked on the musical Oklahoma. After a day or two I started paying attention to the show, rather than my job (running the sound). I noticed something rather particular about this little classic. IT

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A new movie has just hit the screens, “Romeo Must Die,” and I say forget Romeo, it’s Juliette that needs to take a long walk off a short pier. Juliette Lewis that is.

Never before have I seen one actress single handily bring ruin and decay to every project she has the misfortune to work on. It all started for me with “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?”. Probably one of the best films I had seen, until Ms. Lewis pokes her snout in, spewing nasally driven lines, and just an all around annoying persona. She is the single white female answer to Steve Urkel.

The only time I’ve come close to liking Lewis, was in the spoof movie “Plump Fiction” where an actress did her take of Lewis’ character from “Natural Born Killers” and was revoltingly obnoxious. A perfect insult to the whiniest, most untalented actress of ALL TIME!!

Lewis is the female equivalent of Keanu Reeves, but at least he has somewhat decent looks on his side. Juliette looks like a hybrid between a Klingon with her gigantic forehead, and a weasel with her beady little eyes and sharp pointy teeth, which she sharpens on the bones of rats and homeless people she stalks in dark alleyways. If she were to mate with Keanu, their offspring would actually have Anti-talent, which once exposed to the world, would literally end all life as we know it, causing time and space to unravel and cease to be.

Juliette Lewis is such a thorn in my cinematic side, that knowing she is even IN a movie, regardless of the size of her role, will cause me to avoid that film like the plague (not to put down the plague, by putting it in the same category as Lewis, it’s simply as a reference point, seeing as how nothing
else comes even close).

In summation - Lewis - bad. Hitler by comparison - good.

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