George Lucas With Boobs

B. O’Malley Interviews George Lucas About His Disney Sale

B. O'Malley Interviews 0 Comments


I sat down late last night with George Lucas, creator of the Star Wars Universe, and asked him a few questions in light of his big sale of the franchise to global media giant, Disney.

O’MALLEY: $4 billion.

GEORGE LUCAS:  $4 billion.

Q: That’s a lot of money.

LUCAS:  It’s a lot of Kahlua. 

Lucas pours another and adds some heavy whipping cream.

Q: How did this deal come to be?

LUCAS: I needed cash. I’m trying to buy Hawaii.  Bitch is expensive.  That and me and Mark Hamill are rebooting Spiderman.

Q: Again?

LUCAS: I know dude! People gonna shit!

Q: Disney said it plans to handle the Star Wars franchise with care, and make sure the fans aren’t disappointed.  But aren’t you putting a lot of trust in future filmmakers?

LUCAS:  Did you see the kickass Tyler Perry action movie Alex Cross?

Q: No.

LUCAS: Well, fucking see it.  How about Taken 2 with Liam Neeson?  Battleship?

Q: No.

LUCAS: These are the future filmmakers you’re talking about.  They’re already here, baby. And they’re better than the fish dudes in Revenge of the Jedi.  Hey by the way, do you know why there was a second Death Star?

Q: No. Why?

LUCAS:  The Jews.

Lucas laughs uncontrollably for 60 seconds.  I continue.

Q: What about the hardcore Star Wars fans?  The ones who fell in love with the first Star Wars movies?  Is Disney keeping that core audience in mind as they go forward?

LUCAS: Take a picture of me right now.

Q: Sorry?

LUCAS:  With your cell phone.  Go ahead.  Take a picture.

I take a picture.

Q: Okay.

LUCAS:  Now look at that picture.

I look down at the picture on my phone.

LUCAS: The guy in that photo just made $4 billion. Go fuck yourself.

Q: So what’s next for George Lucas?

LUCAS: ‘Member that part in Episode One where Dark Vader is spinning away in his Time Fighter?  That’s me.  I’m coming back someday.  The Force is with me. Always. ‘Member the Star Wars game in arcades?  Fucking rad.

Q: Okay.

LUCAS: Just kidding.  I’m gonna get boobs.

Q: Alright. Do you see the droids returning?

LUCAS:  If I get boobs?

Q:  In future Star Wars projects.

LUCAS: Oh, fuck I hope so. The fag robot is my fave.  Busts my shit up. Bleep bleep bleep. Fucking rad.

Q: It’s reported you’re staying aboard as a consultant.  Have you and Disney talked about the story of the Skywalker family?  Is there a strong chance it will continue?

LUCAS: You wanna know what I really wanna see?  Female Yodas. Fucking army of them.  With Life Savers.  

Q: “Light sabers.”

LUCAS:  You say “tomato.” We done? I gotta shit.

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