Why Stop At Lower Thirds?

I’ve shifted gears. No longer will I pursue filmmaking or writing.

Now I’m officially a Lower Third TV Ad Maker.

That is, I’m pursuing a career in creating the little ads that pop up and dance on the lower third of your TV screen, DURING a tv show.

Because, let’s be honest, before the advent of the dancing lower third advert, separation between show and commercial was a bit too drastic.

I mean, the meat of a one-hour show is condensed into 41 minutes, with the rest being commercials.  I think 41 minutes is overkill, don’t you?

Any one-hour show worth its salt can squeeze that shit into 13, 14 minutes tops.  Let’s bring on the commercials.  That’s what the tv machine is there for – to sell shit.  So let’s stop pussying around.

Dance that shiz up on my screen during the main program.

And while you’re at it, hit me with a tv commercial on the pump at my local gas station.  Or, if no gas pump tv is available, blast me with ads over the loudspeaker as I pump my gas.  Keeping throwing in those 3-second “current weather” blurbs though, because they make me feel like I’m receiving information.

And once I’m full of gas, I can drive my automobile over to the grocery store, and read all the helpful, informative Cialis ads on the floor as I walk up to the checkout stand. Where, natch, there awaits Coca Cola  ads on the little rubber “these are your groceries and those are my groceries” separator thingies, the conveyor belt, and yes, even on another motherfuckingly awesome, un-turn-offable tv screen that’s shouting at me.

Fuck. Sorry for not listening. But now that you’re shouting at me, on a tv screen in a checkout line, I’m all ears, and ready to motherfucking buy.

All that’s killer awesome stuff, but if I can be honest for just one second…

…Frankly, I don’t think we’re doing our best job here, folks.  Seriously.  Think of all the ad space/ad opportunities we’re missing out on:

* We could make it easier and more affordable to own a blimp

* Local police departments could be branded by Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts (smaller, red-state town departments who might not have a Dunkin or Starbucks could instead be sponsored by Home Depot, or cousin marriage)

* We could let stores create furniture that fucks you until you buy something

Brainstorm with me, peeps! Let’s quit half-assing.  If we’re gonna sell, let’s fucking SELL.

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