Dear Big Business: Just shoot us in the face and take our money already

blog_meat-glueI just watched a news segment about how some restaurants are taking slices of beef, from different cows, and gluing them together using some sort of Japanese, all-natural “meat glue” in order to create “steaks” and “choice cuts” like filet mignon from various parts of discarded meat.

The problem is:  bacteria like e. coli, which is generally found on the outside of meat cuts, and which ordinarily gets burned away when you cook the meat, gets stuck INSIDE the newly-assembled, glued-together meat cut.  So when you cook it, it’s not killed so easily.

I watched this news segment after watching a Frontline episode about how the 5 big banks in America who own 56% of the American economy continue to diddle Americans and the world with their magic math.

And this after watching a dirt-poor friend, down on his luck and jobless for months, develop diabetes because he can’t afford medical attention, and have his big toe amputated from a diabetes-releated infection which turned gangrene.

All of which, even though he stayed his 5 days in a county hospital, he can’t afford to pay back.

So it got me thinking… you big, rich, corporate assfaces are putting WAY TOO MUCH energy into this whole screwing-us-over thing.

Restaurant chains: You can put down your wood glue.

Wall Street and big business lobbies:  No need to keep buying congressmen and having your lobbyists write legislation that keeps pounding our collective anus with derivatives and swaps and sub-prime loans.

Health care insurance and hospitals:  No need to keep charging us for health care insurance when you don’t intend to pay up when we need it.

All of this is just so much work.

So let’s just be honest:

You want us dead, and you want all our money.

So can we stop with all the song and dance?

You want us dead, and you want all our money.

You not only need to make ALL the money in the world; you need to have ALL of mine.

And on top of that, I’m not allowed to live.

That’s cool.  I get it.  Just stop playing with my boobs.  Shoot me in the face, and get it over with.

Here.  I bought you a gun.  Come over to my house and use it.  Right in my face. Just squeeze the trigger and make sure the safety’s off.

Hell, you can shoot my girlfriend too.  And my cats. We’ll leave our wallets open and our PIN numbers on post-it notes. If you bring a moving van, you can take our electronics as well.  They should fetch a few bucks at least.

This long, complex seduction of yours is just such a waste of time for all involved.

Instead of all this slow pickpocketing and pillow talk, think about all the yachts you could be buying right now, or how many rides on Spaceship One you and your fat, ignorant white family can be stuffing into your Gucci purses right now.

But no, you’re wasting time trying to convince me that the loan you gave me is good, or the health care I’m buying is actually going to be there when I need it, or that the steak I’m buying for that one night a week I’m able to go out and enjoy a meal, is not actually fifteen different cow penises stitched together with Japanese mystery glue, jam-packed with a happy payload of flesh-eating bacteria.

So come on fellas.  Seriously.  Just come over, shoot us in the face, and take our money.

It’ll be the one honest thing you do with your useless lives.

Then, when all of us are dead, and you’ve got all our money, and the world is silent save for the sound of you counting out your coin, you and your yacht club fucker friends can stitch yourselves together with meat glue and keep yourselves company.

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