If you’re like me, you’re pretty excited for the upcoming solar eclipse on Monday August 21.
But as an old expert who’s seen his share of rare solar eclipses, I’d like to pass on a few tips to get the most out of your eclipse-viewing experience.
Tip 5: Don’t look directly into the sun
Permanent eye damage can result from looking at the sun, so make sure you’re using adequate eye protection.
Tip 4: Look directly into the sun
On the other hand, there’s no point watching an eclipse unless you’re actually seeing the thing, right? Go ahead and look directly into the sun.
Tip 3: Tell Jimmy he owes me $50
Twat borrowed $50 off me for a keg rental, saying he’d Venmo me by Friday. As of this posting, I’m still not whole.
Make sure you bring a sandwich for the eclipse. Depending on where you live, it could be lunchtime by the time the Earth’s shadow blocks the moon’s sun shadow/moon/whatever. So you’ll need food. Keep it simple. e.g. ham and cheese sandwich. Ham, cheese –
Tip 2: We’re out of mayonnaise
FUCK. Two jars of fucking mustard but zero mayo. Well now you’re fucked, fucker.
Tip 1: Later, breh.
Next time have fucking mayo.